Welcome
theidiotdeity
Broken heroes are welcome here. They call us paragods... but the truth is we're mortals... we're idiot deities.
30 year veteran of EMS sharing your struggles.
And offering hope to fellow brothers and sisters in the heroic professions through stories about how horses, dogs, and stillness have helped me to cope, and begin to heal from the trauma of “the job”.
We aren’t different… we’re buffering experiences “normal” people haven’t had.
About theidiotdeity
30 Year EMS Veteran Meets Horse
Been there. Done that. For thirty years I did the "job," met Death in his playground and fought the fight that every frontline hero knows all too well... the one that Death always wins... eventually.
My career started with grand hopes and visions of "saving lives," curing disease, and living the dream... the same as every other first responder. But reality hit hard and my naivety dissolved very quickly into bitterness and anger... and the only thing that saved me from the "job" was... Horse... also know as Equus, a guardian of broken heroes. In the horse's eyes I found a mirror reflecting all of the trauma, turmoil, and shame from the "job." But there was no judgement... only acceptance.
If you’ve “done the job” you know what I’m talking about. You’re trying to live the “myth” that paramedics save lives, cops protect the innocent, and soldiers defend the greater good… when we all know that we’re impotent mortals trying to maintain an impossible image for the public.
Admit it… we’re not even demigods… we’re dumigods.
And most of us can’t give up the “myth.” We need help… but we don’t trust HR or the therapists and there is absolutely no way that we are going to admit our weaknesses to our brothers and sisters, our families, or the public.
The "Myth"
The myth says we're different. Built stronger. Wired tougher. Capable of walking into chaos, fixing the unfixable, and walking back out untouched.
The Problem
The problem isn't that we believe the "myth," it's that everyone else does - supervisors, departments, families, even therapists.
Eventually We Start Pretending It's True
No one told us when we started our careers... you can act like a god for a shift, but when you go home you're only mortal. Most of us never learned how to become mortal again... so we compartmentalize the pain and carry on as if we really are gods.
Paying The Price
After 30 years in EMS, I can tell you this with certainty, burnout isn't weakness, PTSD isn't failure, and needing help doesn't mean you weren't cut out for the "job." It means you stayed in it long enough for the payment to become due.
We joke about it in EMS. Paragod. God complex. Walking miracles with a cardiac monitor.
The Project
How We Can Heal With Dignity
See Yourself Through The Mirror Of Equus
Horses are mirrors. They reflect the intentions and attitudes of those they're in contact with. They sense emotions from a quarter mile away. They know if you're a threat, a friend, or a lost soul before you do. They don't judge you, they reveal you to yourself, making you aware of the chaos you've been hiding and allowing you to change your state to meet them in the calm after the storms.
Listen To The Quiet
Learning how to "stand down" after being on constant alert means rediscovering solitude and becoming comfortable with silence again. Listening to the "quiet" is a skill that we were never taught but one that is as essential as intubation for a medic. God works in the quiet spaces between our self-defeating thoughts and doubts. He reveals Himself as plainly as the sunrise... if you listen. But most of us can't stand the quiet. We resist it like a cold water plunge. It hurts. It reminds us of who we really are beneath the hard veneer of our carefully crafted camouflage, the masks that we wear "on duty." Quiet and solitude, as painful as they can be, can produce the greatest healing in a broken hero.
Feel The Loyalty Of Canis
A dog asks only for recognition. They give all they can for their chosen human and their reward is simple... the feeling that they've pleased the pack leader. They're loyal to you because you are who you are, not because they believe you are something that you aren't. They accept you with all of your imperfections. A dog will never ask for your qualifications or titles. They love YOU because you're YOU!